"Headliner" Chris Kaladaro vs JJ Halme

[Ryan Cooke]

Good luck to both!

[headliner]

[Fade.]

[The scene starts outside of a local convention center just a few blocks away from the Target Center in Minneapolis Minnesota the very venue where in just one short week Pure Pro Wrestling will be holding its very first Supercard appropriately titled Redemption. The cameras are brought inside of the convention center where there is a huge autograph signing taking place. Fans of all different sports have gathered to meet the people that they want. As the cameras go further inside the area in which all of the people are scattered the camera catches a glimpse of a man who slightly resembles The Headliner Chris Kaladaro from afar. As the camera gets closer everyone’s question is answered as to whether or not it is him as his beautiful girlfriend Crystal is sitting right beside him as usual. As there is a break in the action Chris smirks at the nearby camera before beginning to speak.]

Chris Kaladaro: “So I finally get what I want I finally get to get my hands on the scumbag who goes by the name of JJ Halme. You see for those of you who do not know or are not aware of the history that JJ Halme and myself have with each other than let me be the first one to educate all of you as to why I hate this guy. You see a while back on January 18th of this year to be exact I was scheduled to go into a one on one match against a guy who refers to himself as Simply Amazing Aaron Williams. Now I would have easily been able to win the match but instead this moron JJ Halme decided that because I accidentally bumped into him backstage that he would come out and sneak attack me leaving me laying and unable to compete on that night.”

[Crystal notices that Chris is a bit tense so she walks behind him and massages his shoulders.]

Crystal: “Baby its okay your fine now and you will get the chance to give JJ Halme what he has coming.”

Chris: “Yeah I know baby but in my mind March 29th isn’t close enough. You see Halme I hope that you come prepared on March 29th for Redemption hell if you don’t show up I don’t blame you. The fact of the matter is if that the roles were reversed and I cost you a few weeks of pay because of being out with an injury then you better believe that you too would be as angry as I am right now. You would want to tear into me and you wouldn’t want to wait. That’s how I feel that is what I am waiting for my chance to do to you what you did to me. You know something though Halme the one thing you didn’t do is finish the job because I am still standing. At least if I did to you what you did to me it would have been completely different because even though I returned and am now one hundred percent and ready to beat your ass. If I did what you did to me to you, then I would make damn well sure that I finished the job and that you wouldn’t be able to come after me.”

[Chris pauses as Crystal gives him a kiss on the cheek as he signs an autograph and poses for a picture with one of his fans. He then shakes the fans hand as they leave.]

Chris: “Now JJ Halme if you are a smart man and believe me I don’t think that you are, then you will realize my motivation in this “Match” because to me this isn’t a match and I am not going to treat it as one. This is just a fight between a coward that would be you Halme and a man who is hell bent on getting his revenge that would be me. You almost cost me my lively hood hell you would have been better off finishing the job because at least then you would know that I wouldn’t be able to come after you. However you’re too stupid to realize that because now I am more motivated than ever hell this isn’t about any titles which I could care less about hell in this match I am not even looking to pin your shoulders to the mat. No, no, no you see that would be too easy instead I am looking to beat you within an inch of the pathetic thing that you call your life.”

[Chris pauses yet again to sign another autograph and take a picture he then takes a sip out of a bottle of water that is sitting on the desk he is at before concluding what he has to say.]

Chris: “So Halme I hope you do yourself a favor and take everything that I have said seriously because believe me son I mean every word. Hell after this match I wouldn’t be surprised if PPW considers me to dangerous to step into the ring ever again. That wont matter to me though as long as I get what I want and that is to do worse things to you than you did to me on the eighteenth of January. That’s all I have to say get that camera out of my face.”

[With that said Kaladaro takes another sip from his water bottle and signs another autograph before the scene cuts out.]

[Fade.]

[Mikko]

How frustrating it must be to be powerless. It shouldn't take a priest to sympathize with Chris Kaladaro. Any man can see how much he yearns to clasp his hands around J.J. Halme's neck and pummel his cranium into a fine pulp. Beyond this understanding, I think most would also take on this emotion. Again, that powerless feeling of not being able to do something about it sooner. But let's take a long hard look at this situation and apply some reality to it.

January 18th was when everything began. J.J. Halme cracked Chris Kaladaro's face off of a steel guard rail and proceeded to drive his fist straight into the wound repeatedly after. This put the man out of action for nearly a month. The two would be involved in a tag team contest on February 15th, providing ample opportunity for the shining hero Kaladaro to get some vengeance upon the Finn. He failed then.

Fast forward now to March 1st, an evening which saw two great main events. The first being J.J. Halme taking on the number on contender, Demetrius Burrell. It was an awesome contest that ended in a great victory for J.J. Halme. Not pinning his opponent's shoulders to the canvas, but instead pulling the proverbial strings and causing Burrell to throw the match intentionally. Returning the favor of the true first ever PPW event, and making a blatant strike to the testicles. This is revered as a victory by Halme because it was a sign that Halme had truly gotten underneath the man's skin, causing Burrell to destroy his own identity in the process.

The second main event of that evening was Chris Kaladaro taking on the champion, C.J. Rowell. What a shameful mark in the history books this one must be for Chris Kaladaro. He had Rowell there, ready to deliver the crushing blow to end it and become the second PPW champion. But he couldn't do it. He allowed his emotions to get the best of him and became careless. Rowell was not so much of a slouch on this occasion, and he stuffed Kaladaro's heroism right down his throat and smothered him in defeat. This night, and it's two main events, held yet another golden opportunity for Kaladaro to prove his words that titles mean nothing, and that his hate was undying in the shadow of J.J. Halme. Once more though, he failed to do so.

The final lesson before the exam was on March 15th, another failed attempt by Kaladaro to derail the destroyer of icons. Halme teamed with his partner in crime Heatwave against the two buddies from the Mid-West, Chris Kaladaro and Demetrius Burrell. In what once again could have been a golden opportunity for Kaladaro to annihilate the Finn, he dropped the ball. He let his guard down and neglected to remember who he was up against. An act which lead to him having his face once more smashed in, this time by a chair swung by the strangest cunt the wrestling world has ever seen, Leena Saari.

This history lesson is important for anybody viewing and sympathizing with Kaladaro right now. One has to think deeply and realize that on the surface, he's nothing more than a helpless victim in all of this. But the reality of it is that he started as a victim, and then became nothing more than a fool. Another member of the PPW very recently noted that perception is only as good as the person observing. If this is indeed the case, then Chris Kaladaro is in some serious trouble. He believes J.J. Halme to be an idiot, along with a number of other insults mostly synonymous with that one. But in truth, thus far he's proven himself to be a master of puppets, and Kaladaro is dancing right along on his strings. The writer implores the reader at this point to not be so foolish.

Even Kaladaro's perception of how this all began is skewed at best. Continuously referring to an incident that never happened. Does the premeditated attack on Kaladaro suggest something as primitive as bumping shoulders with someone? It does not. Chris Kaladaro is a fool's fool for insinuating such things. Perhaps it's just the easiest explanation for an event that he himself has absolutely no clue of the cause.

Let's take a question that was raised on that fateful night of January 18th. What did he say? What did J.J. Halme say to Chris Kaladaro as he stood over his lifeless body after that heinous assault? The answer is quite simple, and explains all. “That should get them talking, don't you think?” Kaladaro must have been unconscious and ignorant to the statement's existence.

But what does it say? How does it sum the last two and a half months of animosity between these two up? Chaos. Halme is a chaos fiend and thrives on creating it. Do you think it was money that drove him to throwing the PPW title out the window in sacrifice for Rowell? Absolutely not. Just as it mattered not if he lost a few matches along the way, so long as somebody was left frustrated and defeated, at least in a mental state on the latter. Chaos my friends is the answer.

J.J. Halme is the manipulator of chaos, and until now Chris Kaladaro has been nothing more than his marionette. It's time for him to break the strings and control himself, both in his words and in his actions. March 29th is the big test to see if he can hold it together and finally defeat the person who has haunted his thoughts to. Will he use it all as motivation to strike back and destroy Halme? Or will he fall short once again and allow Halme to leave him again, wallowing in his own self inflicted misery? The answer to these questions lie a mere eight days away. See ya' then.

[headliner]

[Fade.]

[The time for talk is almost over with this Sunday Night fast approaching. For those of you who have had your head under a rock this Sunday not only marks the date of the first ever Supershow in Pure Pro Wrestling History. This date also will mark the crowning of a new Pure Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion in the Main Attraction Demetrius Burrell as well as Chris Kaladaro getting his long overdue revenge against the man who attacked him months earlier.]

[The Scene starts back at the hotel room of The Headliner himself Chris Kaladaro where inside Crystal is watching television on the bed while and exhausted Chris Kaladaro is passed out next to her.]

Crystal: “As you can see Chris has been busy within the last few days so he is a bit exhausted from all of the happenings.”

[Crystal leans over and nudges Chris.]

Crystal: “Baby wake up we have company.”

[With that said Chris wakes up from his slumber and looks around at first he doesn’t seem to know what is going on. He rubs his eyes and then spots a cameraman in the room he reaches over for a bottle of water that is on the nightstand by the bed. He takes the cap off of the bottle and then takes a quick drink to clear his throat before he starts to speak.]

Chris Kaladaro: “Well the time for talk is almost over and while I still have time to get myself mentally and physically ready for this match I have a few things that I need to say regarding the last interview conducted by my opponent at Redemption JJ Halme. Now JJ you and I have a huge score to settle like I stated earlier you took it upon yourself to beat the living hell out of me. In doing that you denied me the opportunity to win a match and do what I love to do just because I accidentally bumped into you backstage on my way to the ring. You see I didn’t have a problem with you until then but now you better believe that I do.”

[Crystal sees that Chris is a bit stressed so she begins to rub his shoulders while he continues to speak.]

Kaladaro: “You think I failed at getting my revenge on you at the March first show well son I have got some news for you. You see I would have gotten my opportunity but that is only if you weren’t being a coward. You see you knew that I wanted nothing more to destroy you but every time we got in the ring together you made it a point to avoid me by tagging in your partner CJ Rowell. You want to say that you made Burrell throw the match intentionally so yeah maybe he did he might have let his emotions get to him but the fact of the matter is that you were the one who got your team disqualified if my memory serves correctly."

[Kaladaro pauses once again to take a swig of water before continuing to speak.]

Kaladaro: “Now you went on to say that the match I had with CJ Rowell is a shameful mark in the history books for me. I had Rowell right where I wanted him but CJ Rowell ended up winning the match the better man won that night which I am not afraid to admit. I may have let my emotions take over hell I might even have been thinking of you but I can’t say that for sure. You were in the back of my mind during that match and I had to make sure I was looking over my shoulder for the coward, which would be you to rush the ring and cost me the victory. You are wrong in one aspect though because I never stated that titles don’t mean anything. Maybe in my own opinion titles don’t mean anything sure I will admit that but the PPW World Title is different because it is the only championship I have yet to hold."

[Kaladaro pauses as he finishes his water and then pulls out a tin of Grizzly Wintergreen and puts a wad of it in his mouth. He grabs his bottle and spits in it before continuing to speak.]

Kaladaro: “Now you go on to say that March 15 I failed yet again to defeat you that night. It was myself and Demetrius Burrell against Heatwave and yourself in a tag team match. You know I may have dropped the ball in this match but who in the hell cares about the past. I care only about one thing so this trip down memory lane means nothing to me. So in the present time you better realize that Redemption is only a few days away and my personal Redemption against you Halme is so close I can taste it. You talk about Leena Saari who took a cheap shot when I was down she is lucky I’m a gentleman because if I wasn’t I wouldn’t hesitate to knock her teeth down her fucking throat but she’s probably used to things being down her throat anyway. You want to sit there and call me a victim hell boy you should be aware of the fact that come match time on Sunday you will be the victim as I unleash two months of rage, anger, and hatred on you I hope you are ready for that. Your wrong I never started as a victim and I didn’t become a fool either because you were the one who ambushed me if I remember correctly."

[Kaladaro pauses once again to spit some juice into his bottle before continuing what he seems to be so steamed about.]

Kaladaro: “You want to say that I am in some serious trouble and that I believe that you are an idiot. Well your right no not about me being in trouble but the fact that yes I do believe you are an idiot because if you were smart then you wouldn’t have attacked me in the first place. I don’t care what the cause hell I don’t even care about the reasoning behind it but fact of the matter is that you attacked me and no one can deny that. Yeah I found out what you said how could I not because Pure Pro Wrestling took it upon themselves to reply the incident over and over and over. I found out right away what you said so don’t be so dumb as to think that I didn’t have a clue. You want to sit there and talk about Chaos and how this rivalry between the two of us is loaded with it, boy you don’t know chaos but I will make extra sure that you know chaos come this Sunday. You believe that you are a chaos fiend and that you thrive on creating it well you think that was chaotic because you ain’t seen anything yet. You can sit there and say that you are the manipulator of chaos all you want, but the fact of the matter is that everything that is in chaos eventually restores itself back to order. That is exactly what is going to happen after the match at Redemption when I am standing over your lifeless body. I wish PPW management would make this match non-sanctioned because it will be so violent that it should be just that. March 29 is a big test for me it will prove once and for all that I am the better man out of the two of us it will prove what everyone except you already knows. I will not allow myself to fall short in this match because failure my friend is not an option at this point and I use the term friend very loosely. So Halme I will see you on Sunday and good luck because you are going to need it.”

[With that said Chris leans over and Kisses Crystal on the lips before the scene fades to black.]

[Fade.]

[Mikko]

Once more The Writer feels compelled to drop history into the mix and educate the dazed and confused. For the second time in the past two weeks, Chris Kaladaro has made a complete ass of himself. He released a video of himself stammering on uncontrollably on the subject of his bitter rivalry with J.J. Halme. Halme who in recent weeks has been a complete gentleman about opening his mouth to talk the talk. He truly is a man of action, is he not?

With this in mind, given my unrevealed history with this king of men, I have offered to act as somewhat of a mouthpiece for the Finnish Hammer. I will continue to post on these forums on his behalf and the rest of you are to accept it as word of god, as far as he's concerned. As for my identity, as I told D.T. a couple of months ago, it shall remain unknown. Again, should I decide to reveal myself, it will all make too much sense for now. But don't worry children, soon enough.

Moving right along with my social commentary as it would be, Chris Kaladaro has once again opened himself up to my ridicule. The first thing I'll bring to attention is this.

Fact: J.J. Halme and Chris Kaladaro never bumped shoulders. Not in the locker room. Not in the aisle from the ring to the entrance. Not in the ring either for that matter. This event, never took place.

Which raises the question, why does that incompetent fool continue to suggest that it did!? My sincerest advice for Chris Kaladaro is this, don't get your facts from some dimwitted talentless hack like David Thompson*1. Especially when the facts were only initially brought out as a possible cause for the ensuing chaos. Seriously, Chris start using your fucking head!

Mr Kaladaro has also misunderstood the meaning of last weeks letter. When I suggested that you let vengeance slip through your fingers yet again, it had absolutely nothing to do with winning the match. It had nothing to do with your little engine that couldn't performance against C.J. Rowell either. What did I mean by it you ask? You should have jumped the son of a bitch! The moment you saw his face, your fists should have been locked on and you shouldn't have stopped until the pigs cracked your skull with a nightstick! This playing by the rules respect crap is a game best left to people like Shawn Hillard as Nic Burbank recently said.

While we're on the subject of correcting your idiotic banter, let's discuss a couple of tag matches from recent history. I could be way off base here, I don't know because listening to you speak is like studying the Special Olympics. J.J. Halme in no way shape or form avoided you in these matches. Where you get off saying so is so far off the beaten path that not even the combined fictional genius of Sherlock Holmes and James Bond could find you. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, ninety percent of the time the two of you were in the ring it was you on the receiving end of a good thrashing. What a maroon!

Now this is the past where I might be off base here. But you go on to say that it was J.J. himself who got his team disqualified. If you're talking the same match here I think you might want to get an MRI to see exactly what kind of damage Leena did to you before you step in the ring with J.J. himself. I believe the Finn's used their brain and had the ref plenty distracted and had you plenty defeated by a delicious one two three. Following up of course with a pose that will no doubt be considered one of the most brutal in PPW history.*2

However, if you were referring to the match pitting you and that scrawny friend of yours Demetrius Burrell against J.J. and C.J. Rowell, then yes my friend, you are correct. But. Oh yes folks, there is a but! You neglect to really comprehend the chaos theory that drives J.J. Halme. That disqualification was intentional. He planted his boot firmly in the spine of that zebra to showcase two very important things.

#1: He is in no way associated with the PPW champion. Beyond being hired by a pair of businessmen to ensure that he would become such champion anyway. What better way to prove it than to award him a notch in the loss column?

#2: To ensure that you and your little friend wouldn't score a clean victory over the two of them. Because a victory through disqualification just carries that horrible bitter taste. It's almost like being defeated in it's own way.

So make sure you're keeping those facts in mind when you say he got his team disqualified.

One last thing to shut down the mindlessness that comes spewing out of that mouth of yours. You say the past doesn't matter. Are you fucking kidding me? If the past didn't matter, you wouldn't be pursuing revenge would you? If the past didn't matter, you would have picked up your bible like your name was J.C. Mason and turned the other cheek! So clearly, the past matters numbskull!

The last part of this letter is dedicated to the man who by all rights, should be the PPW champion right now. But in his infinite wisdom decided to put all that on hold in order to focus on attaining his own personal achievements first. J.J. Halme is a monster. But unlike the monsters in the storybooks, he is very real. PPW, through Chris Kaladaro, will get a taste of just what kind of monster he is. March 29th, the time for talking will be done and we'll find out of this Goliath has really found his David in Chris. Personally, I highly doubt it. My final words, other than the footnotes below, are for you Chris Kaladaro. You will not defeat J.J. Halme.

Sincerely,
The Writer

*1: The Writer once had a lot of respect for David Thompson. But his recent behavior on that god-awful podcast has been nothing more than political gibberish. Then again, I suppose he always was one for taking sides. Prick!

*2: This delicious pose capped off the finale of March 15ths tag match where J.J. And Leena stood over Chris Kaladaro's lifeless carcass.